am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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