Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he puts the penis in happiness.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
