Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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