at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
