he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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