I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
