Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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