If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
