She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
