It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
