I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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