HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
