Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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