I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
