I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
