Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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