I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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