All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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