hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
