the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
