My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When did angry sex become our thing?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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