Your mouth is God's brothel.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
