someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
