i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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