I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
why is half of my head shaved?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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