who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he thought i was a dude.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
