I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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