The best revenge is premature balding
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
