just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
