I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
