Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The adults are the big ones right?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
