T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize