quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize