he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
