I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
