Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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