dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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