he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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