you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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