It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
