3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
