If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
