dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
