come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
