8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
