Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need water and some morals
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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