i already hear my dad disowning me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
