sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize