real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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