where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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