I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize