My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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