I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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