The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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