I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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