Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
