If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
