Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
