need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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