i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
