you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
