i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You need a sexual gate keeper
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize