What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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