my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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