I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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