I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
me + whiskey = a bad person
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
