I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
