Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize