they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
