My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The power of my boobs compel you
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
