soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
